Blank Piece of Paper

One of the symptoms that I have been experiencing lately is the loss of some cognitive function. I have always been a person that remembers everything. Appointments, Shopping Lists, Kids Schedules. I have never had to keep a date book. I noticed this change in October and since that point I have started keeping a date book. I don’t even attempt to make plans without looking at it because, to be totally honest, I have no clue what is going on in my life tomorrow or next week. I just flat out don’t remember.

I have also started making lists for everything. I work a short day on Thursdays. Yesterday I had 4 things I needed to do before going home. I wrote them on a sticky note, put it on the steering wheel and went about my business. My husband isn’t use to this aspect of me. In fact it has been this loss of my brain function that has made him step out of his denial and realize that something just isn’t right with me. So every night I sit down with him and go over my next day with him. Yesterday we joked that I may not remember my 4 things to do and since picking up my son was my last errand he may get left at school. My husband said that he was going to put a note on our door that read “Got Ryan?”. Because if he wasn’t with me I had left him at football practice. LOL Fortunately for me I gave my kids cell phones and they are smart enough to call me. Where my husband had some problems excepting these changes in me, my children have adjusted wonderfully.

I have a notebook by my bed that I write lists in. This notebook is my correspondence notebook. I only write in it calls I need to make, emails I need to write, things that I may want to blog about, stuff like that. So I woke up at 2 am and remembered a birthday coming up. I went to write it down and saw this…

A blank piece of paper with the words “Jesus is ALWAYS with you”. That is all that was on the paper. I am not sure even when I wrote it. I just looked at that statement and wondered what I was feeling when I wrote it. Was I happy and writing it joyfully? Was I sad and writing it as a life line? Or was I just being me and writing it as fact? This really is a huge statement to me no matter what my mood was when I wrote.

I received a good spiritual foundation thanks to my Grammy. I strayed in my life and sinned in a bunch of ways. Someday I will write my story, not yet. But even when I strayed I remember feeling Jesus with me. Tapping my shoulder, whispering softly that I really didn’t want to do that but that he would love me even if I did. Some people call that your conscience or Jimmney Cricket. I have always known it was Jesus. He isn’t just IN me but he is WITH me. Holding me up and even today telling me that he loves me.

My friend and I play the 3 blessings game with eachother when one of us is stressed, sad or upset. So yesterday when I felt like that kid with the black cloud over my head she said “OK- Quick 3 things that are blessings”. She knows this will always snap me out of it because she knows my first and most important blessing is that Jesus Loves ME!!! My children and my husband are my other two.


Published in: on March 7, 2008 at 11:18 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Okay, I love the 3 blessings game! That is awesome. Can I steal/borrow it????

  2. My family use a bonding game like that when my boys get at each other. We sit together and we say something nice that the others have done for me today and also something you like about them overall.
    make sure you make a note to read my vavrinaisms today. You will get a laugh. Have a good weekend

  3. After my stroke in November, I have lost alot of my simple memory. I say simple, like I just remembered that I didn’t put the pot roast in the slow cooker. UGH!! It’s those things. They used to call me the human calendar. Sometimes, it gets real scary, I drive to a place and I can’t remember why. So I stop and take a DEEP breath and Pray “dear Jesus, why am I here??” Lists are awesome if you remember where you put them 🙂 I’m praying for you and on your side.

  4. I love that Jesus had you write that note to yourself because He knew right when you were going to need it, whether you remembered or not. 🙂

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